distrustful. I apologize.. Click on the arrows to change the translation direction. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. WebDefense (military), forces primarily intended for warfare. protective, watchful synonyms for defensive Compare Synonyms opposing averting conservative foiling forestalling preservative preventive thwarting arresting balking checking coping with defending frustrating guarding in opposition interrupting protecting resistive safeguarding uptight 4. Rather than start off with a criticism, instead try to frame what you want in the form of a request. wary. Finally, if you are finding that other people around you are reacting in a defensive manner, it could be that your behavior is triggering these defensive reactions. Accuse the other person of doing the same thing. Dont hesitate to speak to a therapist, counselor, or other mental health professional. Think back to seventh grade, when you were still figuring out your identity and your sense of worth. Defensive stocks are stocks that generate relatively stable performances regardless of the market cycle. David Susman, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist with experience providing treatment to individuals with mental illness and substance use concerns. Of course, its not realistic to expect to always respond to every type of criticism in this way. Opposite. How do you sit calmly and quietly while your partner laments that you're neither emotionally available nor trustworthy? The first step to stopping your defensive behavior is to actually become aware of when it is happening. | So how do they know when its fair to get defensive and when its a misinterpretation? Anxiety in and of itself is not a bad thing. Blame the other person for what they are criticizing you about. Instead, try to pay attention in the moment to how you are feeling and how you react to others. or "What would you prefer I do next time?". https://www.thefreedictionary.com/defensive. Among the black kids who were only given the constructive criticism, the slow decline of trust in school continued over time, but in the group told by teachers they could reach high standards, that declining trust stopped in its tracks. A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself. Someone on the defensive is concerned with justifying their actions or words. How many can you get right? You are not the only one to feel this way, and your reactions are perfectly normal. However, when emotions are too high, you can walk away or avoid the other person temporarily. Defense industry, industry which manufactures and sells weapons and military technology. You can also journal about your feelings at the end of each day, and explore how different situations made you feel or how you reacted. In understanding defensiveness better, we can learn to dismantle it as a habit and begin engaging more compassionately and openly in our relationships. Remember this when you're thinking of burying issues under the rug instead of dealing with them. Why people become defensive and how to address it. What do you call a defensive person? Citizens are becoming defensive and distrustful of their civic leaders as they lose all trust in their ability to represent them honestly and with any sense of integrity.. Teams using DTs generally have two on the field at a time. So today, lets look at five ways to regulate your mood and stop getting defensive. There are a number of strategies and coping techniques that you can employ to help you feel less defensive, which will result in you behaving in a less defensive way. distrustful. When each letter can be seen but not heard. Click on the arrows to change the translation direction. Learning to hear our partners complaints with curiosity and openness not only deepens the connection between us but helps us be more open in all of our relationships. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. To save this word, you'll need to log in. In the other case, there is a clear goal to your communication and an easy way for the other person to comply. Above all else, it is important to be aware of and acknowledge your own failings. Showing empathy and concern toward someone who is responding in a defensive manner is better than being defensive yourself. Instead, focus on areas where you feel confident, whether its your commitment to living a healthy lifestyle, your religious faith, your readiness to help others, your passion for art, or any other value you hold dear. Fourteen words that helped define the year. Accessed 18 Jan. 2023. What triggers your fight or flight defenses? Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. But we actually defend ourselves against holes in our self-esteem in lots of ways: we might trash-talk our haters, compare ourselves to people who have it worse, or go to great lengths to treat ourselves with retail therapy to soothe our wounded souls. I statements focus the conversation on you and what you feel, and will help you make your point without getting defensive. Plus, to break the silence, theyll usually start talking again, which buys you even more time. How Do Gifted Adolescents See Themselves? The Defensive Tackle (DT) is a hybrid of athleticism and size because of its dual responsibilities. 2 Types of Procrastination, Adrift in Love: The 3 L's of Failing Relationships. When each letter can be seen but not heard. When we lash out, we dig ourselves deeper. In the moment, getting defensive can feel like the only way to cope with threat. While it might make sense that you feel defensive, that doesnt mean that you necessarily have to take action. Avoiding conflict isnt always healthy. Research Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings and values and dispositions to act in certain ways, designed for defense from a surface position against air attack, designed for defense against armored vehicles, attempting to or designed to prevent an opponent from winning or scoring, intended or adapted to afford protection of some kind, for the purpose of attack rather than defense, having or showing determination and energetic pursuit of your ends, designed to inflict death or personal injury rather than material destruction, designed for or consisting of a brief attack followed by a quick escape, characterized by plundering or pillaging or marauding. So in times of defensivenesswhen your natural self-protection instincts set insee if you can tap into our naturally coexistent desire to connect. She is the author of the highly acclaimed book Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love, which has been translated into four languages, and she regularly teaches relationship courses based on the Love Cycles method at wellness spa Rancho La Puerta in Tecate, Mexico. Subscribe to America's largest dictionary and get thousands more definitions and advanced searchad free! 0 && stateHdr.searchDesk ? Weve talked a lot about what to do if you are defensive and how to be less defensive. Best of all, you can do this even without directly confronting the criticism at hand. While defensive behaviors might help you to feel better in the short term, in the long term they generally result in you feeling worse. WebDefense (military), forces primarily intended for warfare. Which of these items is named for a deadly weapon. Using the word opinion. sive di-fen (t)-siv d-fen (t)- 1 : serving or intended to defend or protect a defensive alliance 2 : resisting or preventing attack defensive behavior Consider only responding in a competitive or forceful way when there is an emergency, such as when someone is in danger or when there are serious safety concerns. Webdefensive adjective (PROTECTING) used to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. As the chemistry of the "honeymoon phase" shifts, a second kind of circuitry emerges, one that is about sustainable connection. You end up making other people feel bad without the intention to do so and this makes you feel even worse. When a person is acting defensive, they're trying to protect or justify themselves. Okay, you say, that's all fine and goodI can affirm my deepest values, interpret feedback as the fact that others believe in me, and trust that I can grow. Add defensive to one of your lists below, or create a new one. Getting defensive in response to disruptions like these in your relationship is natural. To save this word, you'll need to log in. Learn more about defensive behavior, and get advice on how to approach and resolve conflict with a defensive person. wary. Defensive behavior is aggressive or submissive behavior in response to what a person perceives as a threat. Overton A, et al. 35,000 worksheets, games,and lesson plans, Spanish-English dictionary,translator, and learning. In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. That is a strong argument that defensive stocks are objectively better investments than other stocks. Below are some tips on how to cope and defuse this situation when you are faced with a defensive person. Defensive. Merriam-Webster.com Thesaurus, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/defensive. Ignore the other persons defensiveness and focus on problem solving and good communication even if it feels hard. After they read, they answered some questions that supposedly gauged their comprehension. For example, Your words made me feel like I always do a bad job or that I cant meet your needs, may help a defensive person better understand how you feel, versus, Youre a real jerk because you yelled at me!. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved, Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of "Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder" and "7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety.". , , : () ( , Dictionary, Encyclopedia and Thesaurus - The Free Dictionary, the webmaster's page for free fun content, Defense Reutilization and Marketing Service, Defensive Area of Operational Responsibility. One of the most effective methods of communicating with a defensive person is using I statements. If your parents shamed you often and punished you harshly, it's likely that, as an adult, you quickly feel self-protective whenever you see someone upset and angry about something. An old-fashioned rule we can no longer put up with. Obreabska M, et al. Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Remembering our firmest beliefs and passions can make us feel less defensive. . That is a strong argument that defensive stocks are objectively better investments than other stocks. (2020). Subscribe Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts. Fourteen words that helped define the year. It's important that you learn to work through defensive behavior in a relationship because if we don't learn how to deal with our grievances head-on, inevitably we deal with them indirectly. Zanarini M, et al. Fabio A, et al. Feeling caught off guard or surprised by someone can make it more likely that you will react defensively. Learn a new word every day. Conflict management: Difficult conversations with difficult people. cautious. Teams using DTs generally have two on the field at a time. But if you find that either you or your partner is always on guard, waiting on the front lines to pounce into a defensive mode of communicating, it can be deeply harmful to the relationship. Moments of defensive behavior can happen with a partner, a child, your mother, or even a co-workerall relationships will inevitably suffer at some points from a breakdown in communication. This may not be as helpful a strategy they consistently push you to concede or compromise. Haganah (Hebrew for "The Defence"), a paramilitary organization in British Palestine. Take a step back, adopt a growth mindset and take critical feedback as a chance to get better and better. Of or relating to defense. No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Defensive stocks as a group have a higher Sharpe ratio than the stock market as a whole. Saying, "I'm upset you didn't call when you said you would" is not defensive but open and honest. Its possible that you dont recognize that you are in fact hurt, angry, sad, ashamed, or feeling belittled when you react defensively. Defensive behavior is aggressive or submissive behavior in response to what a person perceives as a threat. No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. Hear a word and type it out. This means framing the effects of situation around your personal experience, not on what the other person did wrong or what it might mean about them as a person. The simple act of acknowledging that you feel hurt, worried, ashamed, fearful, or insecure can help to defuse the situation. If you receive criticism that is cruel or insulting, no one expects you to grow from itgo ahead and use your time and energy repairing those wounds. Defense industry, industry which manufactures and sells weapons and military technology. Learn a new word every day. The only problem? Below are some ideas to get you started on a path toward being less defensive. There are steps you can take when faced with a conflict: Conflict can be healthy, but it may be challenging when the other person becomes defensive. offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. Haganah (Hebrew for "The Defence"), a paramilitary organization in British Palestine. So when you least feel like reaching out to connect, take a risk and try it; the results will pay off (much more than isolating yourself). We automatically assume that conflict will collapse a relationship. An agreed-upon intermediary may also be helpful in resolving the issue. Defensive behaviors have the purpose of distracting you from your feelings of being hurt and feeling shamed. Say more about that. And then, use their airtime to take a few slow breaths and consider how youd like to respond. But it's all about your recovery time: Holding onto a defensive attitude is a decidedly different way of approaching your relationship than recognizing that you're being defensive and letting it go. The reasons for defensiveness are myriad and important to understand, but they don't take away the need to learn how to rewire ourselves away from the impulse to immediately self-protect. We all carry baggage with us from childhooddefensiveness is no different. Thats why driver safety training is so important. Of or relating to defense. Rather than getting defensive, they adopted a growth mindset and tried to learn how to improve their own performance. 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